Prayer


I have an addiction to food.  I am not being melodramatic either…it really is true.  It’s an obsession.  An addiction that I can and will compare to that of a substance abuser.  My drug of choice is not for recreational use alone; I am a habitual eater.  Now, if you know me, I love to bake, and I love to cook.  There are many things I love to do, but I do not think I would ever give up baking and cooking.  I love discovering new recipes, and marveling in the joy of a new taste or look of something edible.  I eat a lot.  I eat to take place of things I need to get done. For example…you know those pictures on your wall that need dusting?  I will go to the fridge and kill time before having to do such a thing by snacking.  I say to myself, “Hmmm, what’s in the fridge that I can eat?”  And while I have had many healthful foods that were delicious and satisfying, we can all agree that the most delicious foods are the most unhealthy ones.  Because for me, it just begins with a thought in my head that the texture, the taste, the savoring will be so fantastic.  I then act on that thought like a bad Lifetime movie that you know is a waste of time, only to feel regret, guilt, sadness, and FATNESS afterward.  It is a bad cycle.  I hope that you are taking me seriously, because while I do like to use words to bring laughter to a situation, my ordeal is really no laughing matter.  Food is truly my minds enemy.  It appeals to all of my senses.

So, this past July I began a juice fast.  Actually, my idea was to do a two day juice fast over the weekend to kick off my “Extreme Fat Smash” diet.  The spiritual growth I felt over those two days left such a lasting affect on my heart and soul that I decided to continue my fast.  I had no end date set in stone, only until I felt it was the right time to let go.  By day five, I felt this overwhelming fear that had I stopped, I would never overcome my need to feed an addiction that was so difficult to face, so I continued on. (I apologize for my abundance of run-on sentences. They are also something I love, which is why I am not so sure I could ever prosper as an English teacher).  This juice fast lasted for ten days.  I felt wonderful.  I felt more energy then I had since I was 15.  I felt clean, renewed, and closer to God then ever.  He was my strength through this feat.  One task that I thoroughly enjoyed was baking and cooking while on my fast, (not it the first few days).  After about the third day of my fast I was on a cooking and baking frenzy.  I enjoyed all of the smells I encountered, and had absolutely no desire or intentions to taste anything of which I created. I made breads, cupcakes, pies, cookies, panini’s, steaks, side dishes galore, chicken, fish, and more.  Every meal was fresh, and cooked, and there was a treat every day.  I ate none of it, and I enjoyed all of this time in my little kitchen more than I ever have.  I mean, I was like a mad woman, All of this made me crazy with laughter! I lost 16 pounds in those ten days.

I ended my fast by eating raw foods for a few days, and then some Vegan foods.  For the following month and a half I incorporated raw and Vegan foods into my diet, a long with continuing to drink a spinach/fruit juice and banana smoothie most mornings with the kids.

The past 3 weeks have been a downhill battle, all at my own fault. I have basically been on a binge.  I did a two day water fast 2 weeks ago to find my center and find my way past the barrier I was feeling was blocking me from truly being as close to the Lord as I wanted to be.  After that I felt great, that wall was gone…and then 3 days later I started my downhill battle with food yet again.  I went to the gym with Alex last week after not having gone for a long while.  I felt yucky and disappointed with myself that I let all of my hard work go to waste.  Being determined is not always easy.  It seems easy enough while the task is in your mind, but once you set out into the real world it becomes tremendously difficult.  So, on Wednesday I decided to begin a juice, fruit, and veggie fast.  I thought I would do this for about 10 days, go onto just a juicing, and then a water fast, and sort of cycle my way around back to raw foods and vegan incorporation.

Time for Truth:

I cannot lie to you, and being honest with myself is hard enough.  My fear for disappointment is greater when I think of all of the people I tell, which is why not many people usually know I am fasting.  Yes, sometimes the truth can hurt.  Here goes:

I had a teaspoon of Peanut Butter last night.  And another this morning.  Ok… TWICE today, once this morning and once like, oh I don’t know, about a half hour ago.  I was tempting myself.  I was ridiculously and foolishly skimming over all of the delicious recipes and photos on Food Gawker, and came across a recipe for fried green tomatoes with buttermilk-lime dressing on EzraPoundCake.com.  My oh my…I’m sure there will be a post on that later.  Anyhow, after commenting on how dangerous I was being while fasting and viewing all of these recipes, Rebecca, the writer of that blog replied asking if I would be blogging about my adventures with juice fasting.  So you can thank her for this post about my  honesty and dismay at my lack of effort.

Time for more truth:

Rebecca, as simple as her question was, presented me with some enlightenment as I guess you could call it.  At first I thought…haha NO!  I would not post on my adventures with juice fasting.  First of all, it does say in the bible not to brag of your fasting…although I do believe I am far from bragging.  I thought about it, and decided to post.  Posting about my issue will hold me accountable.  Fasting is not easy, and maybe by blogging about it, I can accomplish the goals I have set out to accomplish.  Also, maybe I can encourage you, my readers to do the same.  Fasting brings something into your life that cannot be explained in words.  I want to do the following through juice fasting:

1. Have a relationship with the Lord indescribable to anyone on this great green earth.

2. Reach my goal of losing my remaining 37 pounds.

3. Become fit, and energetic and positive.

4. Enjoy baking and cooking for the rest of my life like I did in my last 7 days of fasting the first time around.

Third times a charm right?  So, I will do my best at updating you.  I am starting a water fast for tomorrow and Sunday.  And Monday will be the charmer…I will juice my heart out. 🙂  I hope to inspire you while on this journey.

Feel free to ask ANY questions, leave me ANY comments, or email me at BananasBlog.@hotmail.com.  Thank you! I hope to hear from you soon.

Rachel ❤

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If you are happy tonight.  Loved and Content.  Warm in your home surrounded by those you hold dear, remember these joys are just a shadow of what is to come.  This world is not your home.   Better days are ahead.

If tonight you hurt.  Memories flooding behind closed eyes as you lie in the dark.  Hounded by your grief. Take comfort, this world is not your home.  Better days are ahead.

If tonight you are alone.  Unloved. Everyone has someone.  Except you.

If tonight you are scared.  There is too much month at the end of your check.  No food in the pantry.  No gas in the car.

If tonight you are exhausted.  Worn out from trying to be everything to everyone.  Failing all around.

If tonight you crave the sin you left behind.  It calls to you.  Seductively offering a respite from your pain.  If the reasoning has began winding its way through your mind and heart.

Rest in this promise.  This world is not your home.  Better days are ahead.

I came across this poem of sorts in in this blog written by Amanda Sanders.  All of her stories are touching, and she is just a reminder that times can be at their toughest but you must always seek God, and he will provide, because even if not in our time, he always does.

I love my family so much, and it is just so hard to imagine all of the hurt and pain that may burden my children as they grow, and I hate that.  I know that the Lord will lead them, and that he will help them find strength, but I fear he might use them as an example of how the strong aren’t really strong at all.  I try so hard not to let fear come over me, and to keep the vision of hope for better days in my head.  It becomes a difficult task if I sit and think of all of the worldly things my children may go through.  But, I always go back to reminding myself that God provides, he heals, and he makes all things new.  I should not fear the world, because it is in the palm of his hand, and through him, all miracles are possible, and without hope, we cannot have faith.  So, I am always hoping for better days, so that I may keep my faith in him.

DSCN3116Lord, I pray that you keep my little ones safe, and free from harm.  I pray that you use them to show the world what good people are.  Help me to teach them the lessons most valuable in life.  Help me teach them how to love, how to hope, and how to have an open mind, and heart.  Let us not judge others for their sins, but help us to take a good look at ourselves.  Lord I thank you every day for all of the richness you have brought to my life.  I thank you for a husband who is trying his best to let you lead him, so that he can lead us. And, I thank you for beautiful children in both minds and souls.  Amen.